PolyAnna’s Musings – Attraction

Mina from At Longings End tweeted the other day about attraction, specifically physical attraction.

This is something Lucar and I discuss fairly frequently. This is also a topic that episodically occupies a great deal of my husband’s and I’s conversational time. While emotionally speaking I would make/made a terrible swinger, as a practical matter swinging did not work for my husband and I because we are attracted to very different women and finding another couple, where we were both attracted to the woman or both were attracted to the opposite partner rarely if ever happened. Often I would hear, “well someone takes it for the team” meaning of course someone settles. I have heard that some couples take turns settling. This did not work for either one of us.

I think attraction, like so many things, varies widely and greatly. I think everyone has his or her own set of turn ons and turn offs. For some people physical attributes are absolutely front and center. For others perhaps it is attitude or energy, which draws them first.

For some people, likely me included, it varies widely and aside from a list of absolute no-gos, there is no one set factor that guides my decision. If I were to write a personal ad, I could well lead with – “Complex package seeks the same.”

This is not imply that it is wrong to lead with physical traits, or to weight those equally or more heavily than say mental acuity or sense of humor. There is no right or wrong answer. My BFF swears that she can tell, within a few moments of meeting if there is a spark. For me I can usually judge, even from emails or IMs if there is enough good energy to warrant considering a coffee date. From there, it might or might not take a few more meetings for me to decide if attraction is a) going to develop and b) is it going to be sustainable. For me the best possible outcome from an initial face to face meeting is a feeling that “I want to get to know this person more.” Trust me, this rarely happens. I am not overly friendly. I am cautious and more often than not, I am happy keeping people at three times my arms distance.

I think, however, it is important for people to fully examine what turns them on and off. What are your overall relationships goals. I think if you are seeking a purely sexual experience your goals, your points of attraction will vary widely from say, if you were looking for a regular partner or a life mate. For me, I am open to what the Universe sends my way – – my relationships can be great loves, smaller and quieter friends with benefits, intense flirtations or cuddle buddies. I am much more tuned into energy. Are we harmonious together? Do our outlooks and energy mesh well? Do we bring each other some type of joy?

I explored with a man, where we shared an amazing amount of energy and physical attraction and in the end, it didn’t work. Emotionally and intellectually we didn’t gel. I also was involved a while ago with someone, who for all intents and purposes was so very much “my type” and physically hit many of the right notes. He was very beautiful on the outside and oh so ugly on the inside.

And even after much soul searching and thinking about just what attracts me (yes, I was feeling very smug, like I knew exactly what hit all the proper on switches) I got blindsided. My girl crush, she is nothing like what has attracted me in the past and you know what, there is no denying that the physical attraction is very real. It was obvious recently, really obvious.

So you just never know… so I guess that means, check in with yourself, be honest and be ready, because you just never know what might happen tomorrow.

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