PolyAnna’s Musings: What about the kids?

I get this question a lot, “what about the kids?”

What about them? They are surrounded by love. They see people caring for one another, caring about them. Where is the down side? My husband and I don’t use words like monogamy or polyamory. Think about it, did your parents preface every relationship conversation with the qualifier — monogamous? No, of course not. We talk about love, friendship, compassion and relationships.

We also do not parade partners though our children’s lives either. We are cautious. We wait until we are sure a relationship is stable before we bring everyone together. This goes for new friends and lovers. We are also very honest with them when relationships end. My kiddos have witnessed the graceful end of my BFF’s marriage, the separation of other friends and two years ago, the dissolution of their grandparents marriage. We don’t hide the ending of relationships, we explain to them that sometimes things don’t work out and that the individuals still love and care about them. That is all kids want, to know that they are loved and cared for.

I was thinking about this the other day. There is a little boy in one of my kid’s classes at school. His parents are divorced and it isn’t amicable. Not in the least. I think everything is a battle. Everything. From homework, to parties, to what the kid eats for lunch.

While I am sure people feel for him, this is considered normal and I suspect no one would call children’s services or say that his parent’s constant court battles are harming him.

And yet, I have to wonder, why is this tug a war with this poor kid in the middle deemed sad, but socially acceptable and my husband and I creating a warm, loving, honest network of chosen family is viewed as “bad” or “dangerous” or circumspect by most of society and the media at large?

I have no way of knowing if my kids will struggle with relationships, be monogamous or polyamorous when the grow up. I do hope that they will have firm grasp on being honest and loving and grounded in their interpersonal relationships.

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