PolyAnna’s Musings: Choosing revisited
True confession time: I love Vampire Diaries. I know. Hate me if you want to. It is full of teen angst and melodrama. Looking past that, it is an emotionally charged roller coaster. I think it is a realistic portrayal of how humans actually deal with their emotions, or rather, don’t.
Humans spend so much time denying their emotions, fighting with their emotions, manipulating their emotions, numbing their emotions. So many times when I was dating, I would have men tell me (in justification of cheating) that their lover/spouse couldn’t handle the truth, would never be able to deal with their truth, or that they were protecting their wife/girlfriend from their “weird” sexual urges. That being their authentic self would destroy their families.
As I caught up on the current season, I decided that the shit always hits the fan, when someone decides what is better for someone else, without actually asking that person. I see this in real life too. I call it unilaterally deciding. It makes me crazy. Taking away a loved ones choices, is never the right choice.
I also think that the love triangle between Stefan, Elena and Damon not only typifies this type of unilateral choosing in relationships, the triangle itself is a product of the monogamy assumption. It is clear that Elena loves both men very deeply, for very different reasons. Despite everything– most especially the unilateral choosing and the “protection” plays each man has made on her behalf, despite what she has said she wants. She still loves them. This love confused her for the better part of the series.
I think if we listened more, to our lovers and friends and most especially to our inner selves, I think we would see that there are a variety of paths to happiness and self actualization. There isn’t just one path. The right path is the one that feels right in our core. That path seldom comes with a stamp of approval from anyone but ourselves.
I think we need to stop labeling the paths and those who journey with us and just accept that in some moments we may feel and love one way and as time moves forward, we may or may not love and feel and express all of that another way. I was recently accused of being anti-monogamy and that is not a fair statement at all. I am opposed to having monogamy presented as the only correct path. I am opposed to being told by people who don’t know me and my heart, how I get to love. I am opposed to having my choice taken away by some cultural ideal.
Above everything– I put the right to choose. My right to self determination.