What does that mean?

What do I mean when I say I am polyamorous?

Polyamory – [from the LT.Us glossary]

The word polyamory comes from Greek  [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor. [love] We will use “polyamory” to describe the practice of having more than one sexual or romantic relationship at the same time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. An emphasis on ethics, honesty, loyalty, fidelity, and transparency is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic that distinguishes polyamory from other forms of non-monogamy.

Definitions are fine, but what does polyamory mean in practice to me, Lucar?

It means respect for the partner that I live with.

Neither of us thinks in terms of hierarchy when it comes to relationships, but there is a commitment level here, a trust that makes this relationship a very important part of both of our lives. This core relationship allows us both the freedom to engage with others, knowing that what we have is solid and sure.

It means that I reject the notion of anything resembling what I refer to as an ownership model for relationships, whether they be spouse, partner, lover, friend, gf, bf, bff, fuck buddy, or sex partner for tonight or whatever you like…

Regardless of how this other person and I define our relationship, that person is not “mine.” I claim no ownership over them. This is my main objection to the 20th century monogamy model. I do not belong to my partner, and she does not belong to me, or any of the other people with whom she is involved. It is important to mention that this is within the context that she and I fully expect to remain together, to grow old together. We are intensely committed to each other, but she is not “mine,” nor am I “hers.” I don’t own her, but I do love her, and choose to be with her, today and tomorrow, with no end in sight.

It means that the people I love are free to fall in love outside of their relationship with me.

This does not imply that our love is less intense or less passionate. Quite the contrary, really. I choose to not hold on to my partners. It pleases me to know that they are free to go at any time, and yet they have chosen to stay with me again today, and each day, all over again.

It means that not all relationships have to be similar to a marriage to be important.

I don’t need to live with someone for my relationship with them to be important to me. I think of one person in my life in particular. If we happen to find ourselves in the same place, usually at a con or lifestyle event, we will probably have an intense passionate time together, but in between, we are rarely in touch. Our relationship is very important to me for what it is, and neither of us has any desire for it to be anything other than that.

It means that not all relationships have to be long term to be important.

I recently ran into a friend that I have been acquainted with for quite some time, a couple of decades. We’ve always been friendly and respectful, we’ve always found each other interesting and engaging, but we’ve never been romantic or sexual. We hugged as usual, then kissed. That kiss started as the usual friendly hello, but rapidly gained in intensity, until we were grasping and pulling at each other. Even though the encounter lasted just a few moments, it was important to me, because it reminded me to live within this moment and not let myself be distracted by the world, the daily grind, the past, or the future… life happens NOW!

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