Random thoughts

I allowed my mind to wander this morning [dangerous, I know!!] and this is what came out!!

I’m not poly because I have a high libido. I do have a very high sex drive, but there are many ways to satisfy that urge other than a poly relationship. In fact, I am not poly because “I have needs,” sexual or otherwise. I strive to be a complete individual on my own. I don’t need to add another person to my life to do that. The reason to enter a relationship is to make the lives of the people involved better than they would have been without the relationship.

I don’t cheat on my life partner. Cheating, to me, implies that I am doing something that my partner has not consented to. My partner and I both have other relationships, but we never hide them. We are honest and open about what we are doing and who we are doing it with. Sure it’s possible to have multiple partners who have not consented to your multiple relationships. That’s cheating. That’s not poly.

I am not wired for jealousy. I enjoy seeing my partner’s smile when she gets a text from someone she cares about. I enjoy watching her enjoy being with them. What I have found, though, is that there are times when my response looks like jealousy. Number one is time envy, which usually happens when my partner schedules something with someone else at a time when I had something planned. The cure for this was to clearly communicate my desires, and to remember that the truth is, I get to sleep with her most every night.

I also want those other people to show the same respect that I have for my partner. If I don’t think they do, my reaction may look like jealousy, but it’s not… and this is a tougher thing for me. I see myself as protecting her, but the truth is, I don’t get to decide what is the appropriate level of respect. If my partner is satisfied that she is not being disrespected, then my opinion is irrelevant.

We have young children. In my experience, children are more flexible and accepting than we give them credit for. I have come to believe that the most important thing is this: children need love, support, and acceptance, and the makeup of the family which provides that is less relevant to their health and happiness than the fact it is provided.

I am not monogamous. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to have sex with you. Oh I might, but that decision is made on an individual basis. Just because you are attracted to me and willing does not necessarily lead directly to wild and crazy monkey sex!

I’m not going to find “the right one” some day and settle down to a monogamous relationship. I have met the right one. I fully intend to spend the rest of my life in a relationship with her. However, I am still not monogamous. That’s not something that I DO, that is a part of who I AM.

Okay that got long… Sorry, I guess I needed to rant just a bit. Have a pleasant week!!

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